Welcome to the Jungle

“An artist’s only concern is to shoot for some kind of perfection, and on his own terms, not anyone else’s”
Franny and Zooey

I think we can broaden that, and say that anyone wishing a good life should aim for some form of personal perfection. We should view ourselves as artists striving to create beauty.

Prior to that passage, there is a bit about how really the ones who genuinely reach greatness, do so because they are driven by their egos. Or that they are doing what they truly wish to–they are doing it with all their might. Thats the point that I want to get at. I think that to be happy, we need to know and understand what drives us, reach for it with all our might–and that is how we can attain/create beauty.

That felt really pertinent to me. I’m embarking on a career path right now, frankly, I don’t know if this is what I want. It feels like its in the general direction of what I want. Is it too late to for me to discover what drives me? Optimistically I believe that its never too late, but that may just be one of those fairy tales we tell ourselves so we can continue on bearing existence.

Sometimes I question if I can hear the siren.

So right now there is no knowing, just hoping. And my new struggle is to do it with all my might. Completely devote myself to this choice, if something better presents itself–great, and if not…, if I don’t give it all…well…..

.

Sitting at the airport in Rio waiting for a plane back to São Paulo, I’m having coffee and pão de queijo next to some randomly famous person. At first I thought he was one of the members of Guns n Roses, and since he was literally right next to me, I got a better look and realized that it was Sebastian Bach. At one point he asked me if he could have this chair that I wasn’t using and I said “Sure. That’s cool.”

It wouldn’t be right if I didn’t mention how before that interaction I had spent a good 20 minutes daydreaming a scenario where he was a total asshole and how I’d tell him off. Why? I don’t know. I barely know the guy, I couldn’t name one of his songs, I just had this desire to show some passé celebrity that he is no better than I.

Anyway the point of that story, I think, is that i feel like it does a good job at epitomizing the absurdity of reality.

Most of the time we go from A to B as a result of random happenings in our lives, there are though, the few life changing moments when you are conscious of the choice that you are making and where its going to take you. But even within that subset, the variables are always changing and you just never know who you are going to meet/where you’ll end up.

I guess what i’m trying to say, not so eloquently is: on the flip side, if your life doesn’t turn out to be something big, huge and exciting, there’s always the random absurd occurrences; some may change your life (you may meet a best friend) and some may just amuse you (you may come across an aging rock star). And that is also beautiful.

NANDA. over and out.